I think I discovered something about myself today. My great big revelation is just that I believe that there are some of us that just aren't/can't be spiritual. I think that there are many people that want and need a spiritual connection with something greater but I'm not one of them.
I'm also not saying that people who do desire a spiritual connection are weak or lesser than those of us that don't but I just think that maybe we should all respect our differences in this aspect. What I am saying is that I recognize that spirituality in it's many forms is very important in the lives of many. I think it helps people find the answers they are looking for to questions about the meaning of life. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I am just not one of those people and I'm okay with that. Even when I was a very small child I resented even simple bedtime prayers. I just don't think I was wired to seek a personal spiritual relationship or to believe various myths (please don’t get hung up on the word) that others find it easy to place their faith in. I don’t believe that means I’m right and they are wrong. It just means that we are different and have different spiritual needs and desires.
Who knows, maybe there is some predestination stuff at play and if there is a god he just doesn't want me. If he does exist, he continually makes it clear to me that he doesn't want me because everything that has happened seems to have been designed to harden my heart since each thing has been absolutely the most cutting that could have happened. Assuming he does exist, you wouldn't think that he would allow someone in a vulnerable questioning position to be so beaten down. You'd think that being god, he'd know my vulnerabilities and not choose things that had such a potential to push me further away. But those rambles are only applicable in the event that there is just one great truth that equals a benevolent god.
What I have actually come to believe is that many humans desire a spiritual connection with something higher than themselves. That’s why we get the variety of religions including things like mediation. Not all people find comfort in these rituals. I wish that we could all respect each other enough to not feel this need to try and convince the other side that they must come over to our side because we are right. Maybe it’s just living in this postmodern, pluralistic society. It just seems that there are way too many possibilities for just any one of them to be right for everybody. I honestly just think that we pick the one that makes us feel the most secure in our spirituality and humanity. For me that means no spirituality or just a very superficial one through meditation.
I enjoy your thoughts. They remind me of the subjectivity of Kierkegaard and Sartre's philosophy. They said that meaning is found in personal goals and/or relationships. It's like Curly on City Slickers--there's one thing that's the meaning of life. I love you, babe. Keep searching and thinking.
ReplyDeleteLeticia, How do you think that babies were made and how do you think that the beautiful mountains, flowers, birds and all things of nature were made? You know, God said he loves everyone and wants us all to come to him. Yes, God loves you. He may not like everything that we do, but He lovesus in spite of ourselves. We can choose to follow him or not. I have Christ in my heart and I am so thankful that he had mercy enough on me to forgive me of my sins by dying for us. So You don't really believe in the meaning of Christmas either then do you? I am sorry but I can not let something like this slip away. God tells us to be prepared to give the reason for the joy we have in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteSeveral things have happened in my life that i know without the help of God, I would never have made it through. My prayer for you is that you find the same God. We love you and God Loves you too. He is the only one that you can turn too when you are truly down and out. God helped me at a time when mt teenage daughter was pregnant at 14yrs. He helped us find the help we needed at the time. God's Blessings are every where. just open your eyes and you will see.
I think you missed the point of my post. I have long attempted to seek spiritual truth. I believe that many people can find comfort in spirituality in whatever form they seek. I do not. I am much more at peace in my life when I stop trying to be someone I am not. I was miserable as a Christian. Even from the time I became a Christian as a small child, I resented it. The bulk of my teen years and early twenties I spent my life searching for that great connection with god. I bathed in prayer and studying the bible to the best of my skills. The best metaphor I can come up with is this. Each time when I felt like maybe I was on the verge of hearing god's voice (not literally of course) I felt like I had been climbing a mountain and just as I got to the tip of the mountain I would slide back down. Not because I had stopped doing any of the seeking but more like because there was no way to get to the top of that mountain. . . for me. I'm glad you have the faith you have and that it gives you peace. I just don't find that same peace. I don't know if that means that I'm right and that there is no god or that if there is one he doesn't desire a personal relationship with humans or what. As I suggested earlier, perhaps there is a personal god out there and he just doesn't want me. I don't know. I'm okay not knowing that. I'm okay without those kinds of spiritual experiences. Don't pity me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you want to know more about how I came to this conclusion check out my most recent blog on this site and you can read an old post of mine that I posted on facebook explaining it all.
Lete,
ReplyDeleteGod wants all people to know him. I know sometimes things in our past can turn us off from God or wanting to go to church. In some cases people are pushed to worship and that turns them off. My Dad was an Apostolic Faith minister and I did not understand all that was going on. You have to do something to be saved they said. Well , I also went to several other churches with friends and I went to the Nazarene church. I went to the alter to be saved by did not feel too much different. They said, "You must be holding back something that is sinful that you are not turning over to God". They were saying you have to do something in order to be saved. When I became Lutheran I realized no matter what we do we can never be good enough until we get to heaven. No one is perfect. Only God himself. We are born sinful because of Adam and Eve. Thank God Jesus sent his son to die for us so that we would not be lost forever. He forgave us when he died on the cross because he loves us so much. We are not worthy of this but he did it because of his love for us all. If you ever studied Martin Luther you know that he said we are not saved by works alone. We are saved by the grace of God and what he did for us. The Devil loves to work on us Christians because he knows we love the Lord. Thank about it. The Devil already has the ones in his grasp that are not Christians so he leaves them alone. God did not say our life as Christians would be easy. I love you Lete and want you to know the Lord as I do. I really felt joy when I was baptized and I praise God for that.Lutherans believe in baptizing babies because of original sin and Jesus said don't keep the children from coming to him. We go to Jesus like little children because no one can understand all that He has taught us. We just have to have Faith. I feel you have really been led down the wrong path. Do you believe in prayer?
I know that where I am with this must seem confusing and completely wrong. I don't desire to try and break down or demean your faith. I believe that it is perfectly valid. . . for you and many others. It doesn't work for me. I can't give you a good reason why I believe that both of our ways are perfectly valid but I do. I know that's frustrating. I'm sorry. It's just one of those battles that I don't want to fight and I'm afraid if I did share my basic beliefs about spirituality many would walk away feeling like I thought their faith was meaningless, and I don't. I just hope that you can accept that I can respect your faith without accepting it as my own. The purpose of this space is for me to try and share with you where I am with my faith. I don't find any validity, personally, in Christianity. I understand that you think this means I have wandered down the wrong path but I disagree. Christianity just doesn't fit for me. You can read the post titled "why I'm not a Christian" if you haven't already, for more information on why I believe this way. I do appreciate your willingness to engage me and talk to me about this issue. I am sorry it has taken me so long to write a response.
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