She's here!

Emeline is here.  She arrived at 7:56 pm on April 14th.  She weighed 7 lbs. 3 oz. and is 20 inches long.  She is perfect.  Someday I'll get around to posting her birth story but it may be awhile.  I didn't get my VBAC but I'm very happy with my birth experience.  It looks like there were very good reasons why it ended up turning out how it did.

More proof that my old Dr. was lame

I just got an interesting call from the pre-arrival people at the hospital I plan to deliver at.  They were giving me instructions about the pre-admitting procedures and things for my scheduled c/s on Monday. Of course, the c/s was supposed to be cancelled and I took the proper measures to do so when I changed practices.  It obviously didn't get taken care of.  Lame.

In better news, I've been having contractions all morning.  Now they have lessened in intensity and are growing further apart but they have been pretty good all morning.  When Chad gets home we'll get to walking and hope they pick back up.  For now, though, nap time.  I think I'm going to take this time to enjoy the rest b/c waking up contracting at 4 am was pretty hard to sleep through!

Happy Friday the 13th, everyone!

Staying busy and taking it easy

Waiting on a new baby is kind of like waiting on a looming natural disaster in the forecast.  You have a good idea of what you should have ready but inevitably something either can't be done until closer to time or it gets overlooked.

Today, I've already had a few contractions but nothing regular or to write home about.  The last one, if it was an actual contraction, was much longer than I've had to this point and it got me motivated.  On my agenda for today was a load of whites and to clean both bathrooms as well as a short trip to W-M that I already accomplished this morning after dropping Jude at school.  After that contraction or stomach cramp or whatever it was, I got those other chores taken care of.  I'm terrified of labor getting started and having to head to the hospital and leaving the house in a less than clean way.  I mean, my house isn't going to be spotless.  I've given up on that for the time being.  We still have too many of our many small projects strung out everywhere for that to even be a reality but I don't want whoever is here with the kids to have to see with nasty toilets and piles of laundry.  So those are the things I'm focusing on.  Tomorrow, I'll dust and vacuum.  These little chores each day are about all I can handle each day, as pitiful as that sounds.  

Jude was out of school Friday and we had plans to meet up with my family Friday evening to celebrate Easter and Chad's birthday.  Well, Jude got progressively lethargic and whiny as the afternoon went on and complained of a headache.  We realized that our plans were dashed when all of his symptoms culminated in getting sick in the trash when we were about to leave (as I think I mentioned in my previous post on his illness, I thought the headache was sinus related and after medicating him for it we planned to continue with our plans).  He didn't get sick anymore until right around bedtime but then proceeded to get sick about 5 or 6 times over the course of the overnight period.  Let's just say there was a  lot of laundry (two sets of sheets, multiple pillows, etc) to be washed on Saturday.  It was some kind of holiday weekend.  Thankfully he didn't get sick anymore on Saturday, after that awful night previous.  He just had a fever on Saturday and Sunday.  No one else in the house has gotten the bug and I hope it stays that way.  

In addition to all the sheets, blankets and things that got washed I got my tail in gear and washed up all of our other laundry, too.  It's rare that all of that stuff is clean at the same time and I'm pretty proud of myself for getting it all done.  Now, hopefully, she'll come while everything is still clean!  ;)

Though there have been oodles of laundry that I've managed to get finished, I've still been taking it easy.  My body is tired of being pregnant and there has been a lot of resting with my feet up, too.  I feel like I've been complaining too much about it.  I don't like complaining about it because I know how lucky I am to be pregnant and to be able to carry a child with minimal complications.  We really are fortunate and for that I am thankful.  Because of this poor Chad has been hearing the bulk of my complaints.  Let's just say that we are both quite anxious to be finished with the pregnancy and to get to hold the end result in these months of waiting.  

All that said, I do hope she's not born tonight or tomorrow.  I just don't think I can bear to be in the same hospital on the one year anniversary of my Mom's death.  Her aneurysm happened on the 10th of last year and she was officially brain dead at that time but her body kept functioning until the 11th (she absolutely didn't want any intervention to keep her body alive so we didn't allow them to do any).  I already have mixed feelings about delivering in the same hospital but I do know that it is the best place to accomplish my birth goals and also to simply have a baby since there is a level III NICU on-site in case the baby would need any help.  It is the same hospital where I had both boys, too.  I just am having a hard time separating what I see as an excellent part of the hospital from the part that I feel failed my mom and caused so much pain for our family.  I will say that none of those feelings of being failed while in hospital with my mom extend to the ICU where we spent our last hours with her (body).  They were exceptional in there and I have absolutely nothing negative to say about them as they did everything they could to make us comfortable while we waited for the inevitable.  Suffice it to say, as anxious as I am to meet this little girl, I just really don't want to do it today or tomorrow.  I think.  So many mixed feelings.  One minute I think I understand what I feel and the next I am completely feeling differently.  Grief is so confusing.    

Headaches freak me out

I've always been one to have headaches.  Migraines, too.  Never a big deal for me, just a part of life.  A very annoying part of life but just something I live with.  Being pregnant, I've gotten somewhat of a reprieve and they haven't been at the top of my list of annoyances for awhile now.

In the past few weeks, I've noticed Jude talking about his head hurting occasionally.  This afternoon he started complaining of a headache, again.  Chad and I have both had some trouble with sinus pressure and related headaches.  His headache this afternoon sounded pretty typically related to that kind, as well.  He described it like, "It hurts when I jump up but when I stop it all goes down".  So I gave him some allergy medicine and hoped that was it.  We had plans to meet with my Uncle and Aunt for Easter tonight so I was getting things around so we could go and planned to give the boys their bath before we went since it would be near or past their bedtime when we got home.  Jude has become even more lethargic and has just sat in the same seat since I gave him the allergy medicine and he's still complaining about his head.  I finally motivate him to come to the bathroom so I can give them a bath and he really just melts into a pile of tears on the floor.  I decide to give him some ibuprofen still chalking it up to a sinus headache.  He cries all through the bath and my mind starts to wonder what is going on with this kid.  He has no fever.  In the tub, he does complain that his throat hurts, too.  Before he mentions his throat, while my mind is wondering, I start to fear horrible things.  What if he is really in much more pain than I can tell?  I mean he's started crying from the pain.  How bad is this really?  Headache pain isn't one of those things that is easily described, especially not for a 5 year old.  What if we have thin vessels in our brains (this is actually something I plan to have an MRI for after this baby is born to see if I, and subsequently our children, have a genetic predisposition to thin vessels since both my Grandmother and Mom-- and I found out recently Paternal Grandfather-- died of aneurysms) and he is experiencing the extreme pain my Mom was due to a leak?  I know this probably sounds absurd, but here is my five year old in tears over a headache and we are nearing the one year anniversary of the death of my mom from a headache.  I got him dressed and told him he could lay down on our bed while I finished getting Lennon ready and fixed my own hair.  At that point, I was still hoping this was just a sinus thing and that if he just rested for a few minutes and gave the medicine time to kick in he would be feeling better soon and that we could continue with our plans, since it was sinuses and nothing contagious and he would be feeling better.  Well I was wrong, he got his shoes on and while in the kitchen he headed to the trashcan and threw up.  So, of course, upon realizing this wasn't sinus related, I changed his clothes and put him to bed.  Oddly, him being upset at his stomach put my mind at ease because he said his stomach actually hurt, too, which relieved my fears that I knew were irrational, that it could be something much worse.

After about 30 minutes of laying down he was up and much better and was for the rest of the evening until right at bedtime when it started with a headache again and then he got sick right before bed.  He still doesn't have a fever so I don't know what he's got but I hope that he's feeling better by tomorrow!

And through all of this, I learned that I'm a neurotic mess.    

38 weeks!

I'm 38 weeks today.  Tomorrow will mark the longest I've ever been pregnant.  Jude came a day before 37 weeks and Lennon was born via Repeat C-section at 38w1d.  I have to wonder if this isn't one of the reasons I've been so anxious for this kiddo to get the show on the road.  She's really fighting it though.  I swear that last night she moved UP and is now laying sideways (head on one side, butt on the other) rather than head down.  I don't know if it's even possible for her to have enough room to be laying that direction, but that's what it feels like.  I certainly hope that's not the case since I'm trying to avoid another c/s.  Regardless of how she's in there, it seems pretty certain that she won't come today as was Jude's guess.  Now we just sit and wait.  ;)

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today my mom would have turned 51.  It's hard to believe that in just a few days it will have been one year since she died.  As usual, I preoccupy myself with other thoughts to keep from thinking about it too much.  Preparing for Emeline's arrival is my primary distraction.  There is just so much unhappiness stuffed into this month that I feel badly for Emma having to weave her way in here between all of these heavy days.    April is home to two birthdays of my deceased relatives as well as the anniversary of their deaths.  My Grandfather, coincidentally the one Emeline's name takes it's basic root from, died on April Fools Day, 2000 just days before what would have been his 85th birthday on the 6th.  Mom's birthday was the 4th and she passed away on the 11th.  Her memorial was on the 17th.  Of all of the sad days, if this kiddo had to be born on any of these days, I would obviously prefer the birthdays over the sad ones.  Of course,there are good days in April, too.  Chad's birthday is tomorrow.  His brother and our sister-in-law have birthdays this month, too.  But I'm hung up on the sad ones, of course.

 The memory I keep coming back to is the celebration we had last year for my Mom's and Chad's birthday with my Uncle and Aunt last year.  We  went to Outback Steakhouse, as it is hard to pick something that everyone is sure to like.  Mom had had a bad headache for a couple of weeks by this time but she was feeling pretty good that evening.  We had a great evening.  Of course we had no idea that in just a matter of days she would be gone.  I'm really sketchy on the dates already, but I'm pretty sure it was the following day that her headache got worse and she decided to go back to the doctor about it which led to hospital admission.

I guess that's all I have to say.  I miss my mom like crazy and still don't know how to cope with it all.

Happy Birthday, Mom.  I miss you.