Regrets. . . I've had a few

This isn't really a post about religion but I would still like to share. . .

I have my share of regrets, that is certain.  I've made a fool of myself in more ways than I can count.  I make a fool of myself daily in real life but I'm also adept at using snail mail, e-mail, FB, this blog, and even the phone to do so.

My biggest regret to date is how I handled a phone call I received when I was in eighth or ninth grade.

Before moving back to Arkansas between my 7th and 8th grade years I lived in Texas.  Just like everywhere I have lived, I had a group of a few girls that I hung out with and had over and the like.  One of my friends was a girl named Heather.  She was one of the more funky girls in our group.  I always tended toward the offbeat groups and to say we were quirky would be putting it mildly.  I had an (awesome!) neon green and silver purse that looked like an old-school suitcase.  60s retro was big then and we all wore peace signs and smiley face jewelry.  Heather really had the most personality of us all.  She was more goth than the rest of us and way more mellow yet confident.  The group was loosely formed around her.  Her style was independent of us.  As far as the school went she wasn't most popular, obviously none of us were, but everybody knew her and most liked her.

After moving back to Arkansas, I received a phone call from her one evening.  Honestly, I have no idea how she found me.  My parents worked at the children's home and she called me at the cottage which was unlisted and even if it had been listed she couldn't have looked under our family name to find it.  Maybe I was better at letter writing then and had written her with it.  I seem to remember being surprised that she'd found me, though, at the time.  Regardless, she called and we talked.  She told me of her boyfriends and school and other normal teenage girl stuff.  At some point during the call she shared some big news. . .

Much bigger news than I'd ever heard before in my junior high life. . .

She told me she was bisexual.  Awkward silence ensued.  I had no idea how to respond.  I think my first thought was, 'Why is she telling me this?'  I hadn't even had a boyfriend yet and she's telling me she likes guys and girls!  I was blown away.  I had no idea what to say after that.  I don't really know how I got from being blown away to church-y but I did.  Somehow I worked in something along the lines of that she really shouldn't like girls and that it wasn't God's will and all that stuff.  I cannot imagine the hurt I probably caused her.  She was obviously calling me because she thought I might understand or at least not shun and judge her.  But that is just what I did.  I wasn't there for her.  What I wish more than anything was that I had told her that I loved her and that she was still my friend anyway.  

I wish I knew how to get in-touch with her and apologize.  Not being able to do so is one of those things that just eats away at me.

I've done some really stupid and thoughtless things but none as horrible as how I treated Heather. . .      

What is your moral code?

I'm not sure where this notion originated, but there is a theory that abounds that people without faith in a higher power have no ethics or morality.  It is assumed that because atheists don't have the fear of retribution that most religion provides, that they will feel free to commit any number of crimes and wrongs.  I am sure there are exceptions, but for the most part the opposite seems to be the case.  All of the atheists I know are very moral people and have a specific code that they live by.  My personal code follows along the same lines.  I believe that the way to determine right from wrong is by simply asking yourself one question. 

Will the action I am about to take cause any sort of harm to someone else?  

Under Christianity, I got the answer "yes" to that question on more than one occasion which is one of the reasons that I began to seek answers.  Now I don't claim, any more than the religious do, to be perfect at following my code.  I fail.  Often.

Choosing to do right and help others through non-required acts of altruism is a higher form of right than doing so because someone told you that you must, in my opinion.  Most atheists do things because they see us as all in this together. . . equal and human.  Many religions seem to be more "us" against "them".  I understand that this difference stems from the two basic ways that humanity can be viewed.  It is either essentially good or essentially evil.  Christianity takes the second view.  Some religions like to claim that they exist for the greater good but end up only benefiting a small number, I cannot understand this.  I basically see humanity positively and I believe that people can change the world.      

Here is a poem I stumbled upon a while back that clearly illustrates the differences between these two very different ways of viewing the world.  I don't believe that she wrote this to apply to agnosticism or atheism but just different belief systems.  I made that connection because so many want to portray those people as being amoral and it just isn't the case but rather a result of different worldviews.

"It Matters What You Believe" by Sophia Lyons Fahs

Some beliefs are like walled gardens. They encourage exclusiveness, and the feeling of being especially privileged.

Other beliefs are expansive and lead the way into wider and deeper sympathies. 

Some beliefs are like shadows, clouding children's days with fears of unknown calamities. 

Other beliefs are like sunshine, blessing children with the warmth of happiness. 

Some beliefs are divisive, separating the saved from the unsaved, friends from enemies.

Other beliefs are bonds in a world community, where sincere differences beautify the pattern. 

Some beliefs are like blinders, shutting off the power to choose one's own direction. 

         Other beliefs are like gateways opening wide vistas for exploration. 

Some beliefs weaken a person's selfhood. They blight the growth of resourcefulness.

Other beliefs nurture self-confidence and enrich the feeling of personal worth. 

Some beliefs are rigid, like the body of death, impotent in a changing world. 

Other beliefs are pliable, like the young sapling, ever growing with the upward thrust of life.

What are your views?  Does your religion ever encourage you act in a way that might be hurtful to others, physically or emotionally?  Do you believe that people have the capacity to do good at all or are they essentially evil?