Out of my comfort zone

So when I was a kid, even into adulthood, my mom made a very big deal about never feeling comfortable going into people's homes (with permission) when they weren't there or even grabbing anything out of their purse (even when they asked her to), etc.  Apparently this was ingrained in her by my grandmother.  My mom and I had a very open relationship and she didn't even like going in my house without us being there.  Her discomfort passed on to me.

My next-door neighbor's wife is dying of cancer.  She has already outlived the small expectations of a couple of months that she was given in January but the pain has increased greatly and gets worse daily. We don't have much means to help them but one thing I can do is mow their lawn.  We have a riding lawn mower and I offered to mow his lawn when I mow ours.  It's funny to me that even though he knows and appreciates that I will mow his lawn, I still feel uncomfortable in the yard.  I, of course, was raised to respect other's property and would avoid walking in someone's yard at a all costs.  At the risk of sounding old and cranky, kids these days just don't have the same respect.  Kids traipse all over the yards around here not even caring that it's someone's property.  Once, a group of kids hopped our back fence (twice in the same day) to fetch something that had landed in our yard.  That wouldn't be that big of deal had we not been home and would have gladly gotten it for them had they knocked on the door and asked.  I digress.  Tonight I mowed both of our lawns.  I was uncomfortable the WHOLE time.  I don't really have a point here but it just baffles me how the mentality of a yard being private property and is an intimate part of someone's home.

I don't really have a point here, other than this kind of mentality really colors every part of my psyche.  I can see where it affects so many parts of my life.  I would like to explore this at another time.  The implications of the lack of this perception from the younger generations are interesting to explore as well.    Hmmm.

37 weeks!

Tomorrow I will officially be 37 weeks, the general accepted number of weeks for a baby to be full term.  Of course, this is only true if the baby comes at their own time and isn't arbitrarily forced out just because they met this milestone because even at this point their lungs still might not be ready, etc.  Either way, it's still the time when most mommies breathe a sigh of relief to make it to this point.  That's just what I'm doing, too.  Breathing a sigh of relief.  However, at this stage in pregnancy it's a little hard to breathe.  Interestingly, after having a wonderful yet tiring weekend, I thought that Emeline's time was approaching.  I have been having all kinds of pressure and cramping and I really expected to have made a little progress toward labor, even if it still was a few weeks away.  Alas, she seems quite comfy where she is and my body seems quite content to keep her there.  I'm left with only vestiges of energy.  Life seems to be getting chaotic because I'm not keeping up on things as I should.

In more positive news, the girls of the family threw us a baby shower on Sunday and we came home with so much stuff.  I'm happy to report that we are now very prepared for this little girl's arrival and that I'm beyond indebted to our families for their extreme generosity.  Of course, I have my work cut out for me to get everything washed and put away before Emeline gets here.  I have washed all the newborn clothes and swaddling blankets, so I've made a good start but there is still so much left to do.  I really am ready to get to it but I have a mound of clean laundry of our own that I must (if I want to be responsible) tackle first.

It is so hard to believe that this little girl could make her appearance any time now.  Tonight marks the milestone at which my water broke with Jude.  Lennon stayed put until he was evicted at 38 weeks and I have no clue as to how long he would have liked to have cooked.  From here on out it's all guessing as to when she makes her appearance.  I keep reading into signs I feel like my body is giving me.  I'll be extra crampy and start to get my hopes up that maybe it is very early labor.  In fact, I feel like I'm having a contraction right now.  Labor?  Probably not, just my body getting some good practice in.  The waiting and guessing is exciting and fun but I think my wild brain takes it to a whole new neurotic level and Chad is just as bad.  Right now, I just want to focus on enjoying these last few weeks and not trying to wish them away too badly, no matter how much I just want my daughter here already!  To me, the womb is an uncertain place, too, and the thought of getting to hold her and know she is safe would give me comfort and I think that is something else I long for.  The reassurance that she will be safe until she's born and that she won't leave us.  My anxiety toward losing her is compounded by the timing of her due date.  My mom's birthday and the day she passed are quickly approaching and I've been doing all I can to avoid thinking about it, as is my usual.  Focusing on the baby has been a great distraction but at the same time, because of it, fear grips me.  There are just so many complications that could take this child from us and I just don't think I could bear another loss in such a short span of time.

All I can do and really have been doing is taking it all one day at a time, I suppose, as cliche as that sounds.  I'm going to try to not be so neurotic and over analyze ever little kick, cramp, or contraction and I'll also try to worry so much.  Wish me luck!

Nursery pictures!

First of all, I would like to say an extra big THANK YOU, to Eric and Megan for coming over this weekend to help us out with this major project!  We couldn't have done it without them!!


Before:

During:

Pencil drawings of the trees beside paint samples.  The two on the right are the ones I chose and the pink on the left is a sample Chad picked up when he went to Lowes without the paint sample cards.  We knew before we put it on the wall that it wasn't in the running but wanted to see what it looked liked.

Working on the detail of the trees.  They changed strategies a couple of times  but settled on  a great one that made the work go much faster.  

Megan got in there and helped by working on the green while the boys worked on the trees.  If she hadn't jumped in, they might not have gotten it all done before they left on Sunday evening.  

Eric working on the trees.

After:

Big brother Lennon chilling in Em's room

The wall with the window and the wall with the closet are only green.  

Looking into the room from the doorway.

Looking toward the door.  I love this tree for the detail over the door and the little carved heart!

The carving detail.  So sweet.  Chad did that for me!  

I love this room.  I keep going in there trying to figure out how to arrange the furniture but I don't want to put anything in there.  I just want to enjoy it as it is and don't want anything to detract from how it looks.  My photography skills aren't that great and the pictures really don't even do it justice.  I have been a little pensive about the color of pink we settled on, I was thinking a tad lighter (it looks a bit darker IRL than shows up in the photos), but it's sunk in to my brain now and I really love it.  I love the green even more.  I would paint my bedroom in that color I love it so much.  

We still have some furniture that needs to move back into the nursery and then it will be mostly ready.  I am painting her name letters and some small shelf boxes in the same color of pink to hang on the two walls that don't have any trees to tie it all together.  We still have to get some curtains and a dust ruffle for the crib and then her room will be complete!  

My due date is one month from today!!  I can hardly believe it.  I have a feeling she will come before the 20th, though.  It's actually probably wishful thinking though.  I just don't want the doctor to feel like we need to induce to increase my chances of VBA2C.  I want her to come when she's ready.  I started having some swelling in my feet over the weekend.  It isn't terrible but noticeable.  I hadn't had any trouble with swelling this time around like I had with the boys.  With Lennon, I couldn't really go two hours away in my 3rd trimester or my feet would be huge by the time we got there.  Something about this makes me wonder if she won't be coming sooner too, though the logic is kind of skewed.

I'm so pleased to have things finally coming together and prepared for her.  Now we are ready to just wait on her to join us!  

The weekend was a success!

We  got the nursery ready this weekend.  I say we, but honestly I can take NO credit for it.  All of the work was done by Chad, Eric, and Megan.  They did a great job but you'll just have to take my word for it for the time being.  I took some pictures but when I inserted the SD card from the camera it wanted me to format it, and though I denied it, I still couldn't access the 60 or so pictures from the last couple of weeks on it.  I'm going to try and access the pictures using the cord from the camera (if I can find it) or use the printer.

So for now, you'll have to take my word for it that the room looks awesome.  Chad also put the crib together last night and it is more beautiful than I could have imagined, too.  It is way more sturdy and solid than the crib we used for the boys but it actually ended up costing about the same with the 25% coupon we got for trading in the much worn and chewed on older crib.  I'm so pleased with it.

The house is still in disarray because of all of the stuff out of the nursery but I think that in the next few weeks we'll be able to wrap those things up and here soon our house will finally be homey again!  I can't wait!

Busy weekend ahead!

We have a busy weekend ahead and I couldn't be more excited!  Today I'm working on getting the house cleaned up a little and finally finishing up on emptying the nursery (formerly playroom).  This weekend we are going to get our paint on!  My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are coming up here to help us with the painting and I'm really looking forward to it!  It's not very often that anyone can make it over this way.  Their son is a few months younger than L and the boys both love playing with him.  When Chad and his brother they can get pretty goofy and I think we are going to have a lot of fun on Sunday.  The little boys and the big boys are all sure to have tons of fun.  Megan and I will be having plenty of fun ourselves.  She is a super organizer and I'm hopeful she can give me some suggestions on all of our stuff and of course we will oooh and awww over all the fun little girl stuff, too.

Aside from all of the fun, we are also going to succeed in getting the nursery ready for the crib and some personal touches.  I'm looking forward to having a little sanctuary to escape to when things get a little too much for me, as is prone to happen the later in pregnancy I get.  Even though she won't be sleeping in there right away, it will be a nice place for us to escape to for feedings, too.  Also, we are having a family shower next weekend, thanks to Megan, and we need to have a good place to put everything, too.

I'm so stinking excited!!  I will post pictures when we have everything put together and ready.  I can't wait!

Results are IN!!

We got the results back at 6 pm last night.  It was good news!  The titers are low enough that there shouldn't be any problem for Emeline, now or after she is born.  Such a relief.  Though I had every confidence in the procedures that she might have to endure, I want to be able to room in with her at the hospital, leave at the same time, and be able to have a good start to the nursing relationship.  Those were things that I was willing to give up for her health and safety but certainly not something I was looking forward to living without.  Now it looks like we won't have to!

I love spring!

The weather around here is beautiful and should be throughout the rest of the week!  We're talking highs in the low 80s and lows in the 50s and 60s.  It just doesn't get any better than that.  To top it all off, over the weekend we got an inch and a half of rain.  My daffodils are in full bloom and the windows are open letting in all that wonderful fresh air.  Nothing improves my mood and outlook like open window weather.

Of course, we still don't know anything about my lab results.  I did call this morning and they are in but the doctor wasn't there yet and he has to look over them before they will release them.  I'm just happy to know they are finally in and that I'll be finding something out this afternoon.  My stress levels around this have been steadily going down since I first found out more information on Thursday.  Of course, the uncertainty of what interventions we may be needing and if she'll be joining us a little earlier than expected still weighs on me some.  Most of that is because we still are SO far from being ready.  Right now, we don't even have a bed to bring her home to.  Well, we have it but the crib is un-assembled in the garage for now.  We are borrowing my sister-in-law's pack n' play with bassinet for rooming-in the first couple of months and we probably won't pick it up until next weekend.  I do have the car seat ready to put in the car and plan on installing it in the next few days.  I have installed our seats extra early with the boys, too.  I'm just a preparer like that.

I plan to have an update later this evening about what the blood work shows.  Cross your fingers for only the one antibody and titers lower than 1:16!

I posted a few of my questions and concerns in an online forum about this condition and the ladies reassured me that this actually an involved test and the results normally do take 5 to 6 days so there is no answer out there that just hasn't made it to me and is delaying treatment.  The doctor and I are both waiting.  Some how, that is a comforting feeling to me.  I'm much more calm about the whole thing the more I learn, something I'm so thankful for.

Still no results!

Here I am, still waiting.  I guess I misunderstood the receptionist yesterday that the results were in and the doctor just hadn't looked at them.  Apparently they weren't there last night and they didn't arrive today, either.  I get to wait the rest of the weekend. . . I burst into tears the minute we hung up.  The waiting is terrible!

There is good news, though.  I've been doing more and more reading about what it seems is going on and of all the things we could be dealing with, this really is a pretty easily dealt with one.  If my levels are high, then I'll have to have other preventative treatments or tests to make sure she isn't being harmed.  Other than that the bulk of the actual treatment will be for Em in the first few weeks after she is born until my antibodies fully exit her blood.  There are treatments available that are fully effective at helping remove the toxins, particularly bilirubin, before they become harmful to her body.  For all of this, I'm very thankful.  A short stay in the NICU is a small price to pay for a healthy baby though.  It seems that modern medicine has taken a big part of the danger out of this condition and that as long as it monitored and managed properly, she will be fine.  This is what I'm hanging on to this weekend when all we can do is wait.

The unexpected

I had to have my labs redrawn Tuesday because they didn't make the transfer with my patient file for some reason.  Some surprising curve-ball results came back and I had to have more blood taken yesterday.  Right now I'm waiting on the doctor to call me back with yesterday's results.  Depending on what the results show, there is a potential of danger for the baby.  I know very little right now other than what they were testing for and a minimal amount that I was able to learn from the internet.  I wasn't able to find much scholarly information on the internet, mostly just stuff from mother/baby forums like Babycenter so any information I do have is only minimally credible.  I hope to have more information soon.  Until then, I'm really kind of freaking out.  Thoughts, good vibes, and prayers are appreciated.

ETA:   I called before they closed today and she told me the doctor hadn't had a chance to look the results yet and that I should hear something either tonight or in the morning. Well the office has been closed a few hours now and I still haven't heard anything.  I guess we'll have to wait for the results until tomorrow.  What is one more night of shoddy sleep? Sigh.

Right now, I know that I have a certain antibody present in my blood but I don't know the titer or concentration (the initial blood work was general and didn't measure the titer but the second round was looking for other antibodies which can present together and the titers of each of them). The results will tell us exactly how serious of a thing we are going to have to deal with.  At this point it could really be inconsequential for this pregnancy but something that would affect subsequent pregnancies or it could be something that might require a stay in the NICU, intensive time under the bili lights, and even a blood transfusion for Em.  So ready to know where on this spectrum we are and to receive some non-internet based information!        

Anticipation!

In many ways, this pregnancy has been easier than my other two successful pregnancies.  That's not to say that there aren't many days that I feel like I can barely walk from hip/sciatic pain or that there aren't nightly bouts of acid reflux but I really do feel like it has been easier this time around.  

Maybe my improved outlook on the aches and pains of pregnancy is because I never thought we'd be expecting a third and after all the heart ache of our previous losses, physical pain is really inconsequential.  I love feeling this little girl kick and move inside of me but I can't restrain myself and hope the weeks continue to pass quickly so I'll get to hold her and see her beautiful face.  

At the same time, however, I hope we get a few extra weeks to work on her room.  It is still pretty much in playroom mode.  We have a bookcase that needs to be completed before we can move out the rest of the boy's stuff out of the playroom/nursery to begin painting.  We hope to get the bookcase finished this upcoming weekend, though it is no small task.  We are covering a 6 ft., 5 shelf bookcase in sheets of poetry, decoupage style.  It had been covered in a plastic faux wood veneer that we peeled off to reveal the wood beneath.  We have a lot of furniture moving to accomplish once that project is finished.  Hopefully by next week, however, we'll be ready to begin painting on the nursery so we can get the crib put together and her room finally looking like a nursery!

Either way, the anticipation is building.  Anticipation to get to hold this little lady and to have our house finally settled with everything finally arranged where we want it.  

Some other highly anticipatory news came from some good friends of ours.  They have been longing to add a child to their family since before we found out we were expecting our oldest.  This week they found out they will be adding TWO to their family later this year!!  They are beyond excited and surprised to be having twins and we are so, so happy for their wonderful family!