37 weeks!

Tomorrow I will officially be 37 weeks, the general accepted number of weeks for a baby to be full term.  Of course, this is only true if the baby comes at their own time and isn't arbitrarily forced out just because they met this milestone because even at this point their lungs still might not be ready, etc.  Either way, it's still the time when most mommies breathe a sigh of relief to make it to this point.  That's just what I'm doing, too.  Breathing a sigh of relief.  However, at this stage in pregnancy it's a little hard to breathe.  Interestingly, after having a wonderful yet tiring weekend, I thought that Emeline's time was approaching.  I have been having all kinds of pressure and cramping and I really expected to have made a little progress toward labor, even if it still was a few weeks away.  Alas, she seems quite comfy where she is and my body seems quite content to keep her there.  I'm left with only vestiges of energy.  Life seems to be getting chaotic because I'm not keeping up on things as I should.

In more positive news, the girls of the family threw us a baby shower on Sunday and we came home with so much stuff.  I'm happy to report that we are now very prepared for this little girl's arrival and that I'm beyond indebted to our families for their extreme generosity.  Of course, I have my work cut out for me to get everything washed and put away before Emeline gets here.  I have washed all the newborn clothes and swaddling blankets, so I've made a good start but there is still so much left to do.  I really am ready to get to it but I have a mound of clean laundry of our own that I must (if I want to be responsible) tackle first.

It is so hard to believe that this little girl could make her appearance any time now.  Tonight marks the milestone at which my water broke with Jude.  Lennon stayed put until he was evicted at 38 weeks and I have no clue as to how long he would have liked to have cooked.  From here on out it's all guessing as to when she makes her appearance.  I keep reading into signs I feel like my body is giving me.  I'll be extra crampy and start to get my hopes up that maybe it is very early labor.  In fact, I feel like I'm having a contraction right now.  Labor?  Probably not, just my body getting some good practice in.  The waiting and guessing is exciting and fun but I think my wild brain takes it to a whole new neurotic level and Chad is just as bad.  Right now, I just want to focus on enjoying these last few weeks and not trying to wish them away too badly, no matter how much I just want my daughter here already!  To me, the womb is an uncertain place, too, and the thought of getting to hold her and know she is safe would give me comfort and I think that is something else I long for.  The reassurance that she will be safe until she's born and that she won't leave us.  My anxiety toward losing her is compounded by the timing of her due date.  My mom's birthday and the day she passed are quickly approaching and I've been doing all I can to avoid thinking about it, as is my usual.  Focusing on the baby has been a great distraction but at the same time, because of it, fear grips me.  There are just so many complications that could take this child from us and I just don't think I could bear another loss in such a short span of time.

All I can do and really have been doing is taking it all one day at a time, I suppose, as cliche as that sounds.  I'm going to try to not be so neurotic and over analyze ever little kick, cramp, or contraction and I'll also try to worry so much.  Wish me luck!