I'm officially only 90 days way from my due date! I'm so excited! This pregnancy is finally beginning to seem real! I wasn't sure how real it would feel until she was actually here but I finally believe that we actually have a new wonderful addition to our family in April! It's odd to me how having losses, even early ones, really affect how you view future pregnancies. I have just now been able to get excited and feel like this is really happening and my latest loss was at 10 weeks and now I'm 27 weeks. Losing a child changes your perspective so much. Even once you are past whatever marker is seen as your most delicate time, for me the first trimester, your mind goes into overdrive and you feel like even though later losses are less common and typically caused by things unrelated to the reason for the early losses, you start to question everything. I'm terrified of a cord accident or any other reason that my later term baby might be lost. Honestly, even though I have really started to feel excitement and anticipation of getting to meet this little girl, I still haven't taken the tags off of the clothes we bought and washed them yet. Part of that is due to not having much accomplished in her room yet and nowhere to put them but there is another part in the far back of my mind that worries that I won't get to dress her in these clothes. I know that it's a concern that every mother has but I can't explain how different my concern is this time around as opposed to my previous pregnancies that progressed past the first trimester. Either way, I am still getting so excited and I'm so relieved to finally be feeling this way!
In other baby news, I'm going around and around with my OB's office. I became aware of another doctor in my area that was willing to review my chart to see if I might be a candidate for a trial of labor even though I have two previous c-sections. I requested the documents from my doctor's office on Monday. I was informed that I would have to sign a waiver for their release when I went in for my appointment on Tuesday. I did so. I was of the hope, apparently erroneously, that they would have the documents all ready to send but were only waiting on my signature to release them. That was not the case. I called back on Wednesday to check the status and verify that they understood what I wanted. The nurse I spoke to gave me the third degree on Wednesday basically telling me I was foolish for even seeking a second opinion (for the record in our state it very difficult to obtain a trial of labor or vaginal birth after a c-section because of the state's prominent malpractice insurer- PLICO- and my current doctor is insured with PLICO and has never given me the option to have a TOL, my second son was a scheduled repeat c/s). I want to do what is absolutely best for me and my baby and based on what I know of surgical history, I would be a perfect candidate. The only bit of information I don't have at my disposal to know if this is even worth my time is the type of uterine incision I have. I would assume that it matches my external incision and is a low horizontal one but I just don't know. Since the history I am aware of seems to indicate I am a good candidate, I decided to give this other doctor the opportunity to review my file and give me his opinion. I just don't want to regret not knowing for sure. How I wish I had know of this doctor with my pregnancy with my youngest son. Anyway, after getting grilled by the nurse on Wednesday, the front desk lady (who I assume takes care of records, too) called and gave me the third degree yesterday, too. I explained to her as I had the nurse, that I wasn't transferring my care at this point I just wanted to give this other doctor the opportunity to advise me on chances. She was very rude and I'm really fed up with going around with these people. I'm hoping that they will actually get the file sent over today so I can find out if I will be transferring my care. After dealing with all of this and their utter rudeness, I'm ready to change doctors anyway. For the most part I am very pleased with my doctor herself and she has been the only reason over the last 6 years that I have remained with her practice because this is not the first time I have felt uncomfortable with the office staff. The thing that initially caused me to consider changing doctors and led to the recommendation of the new doctor by my sister in law, was that my doctor's office called and tried to schedule me for my c/s in my 38th week which I happen to know is against new ACOG guidelines for repeat c-sections since I have no real medical reason for taking her early. The doctor gladly changed the date when I mentioned it on Tuesday and I left feeling like it was an honest mistake and that they weren't trying to pull one over on me and that I was respected in my medical decisions, even though she gently reminded me that I might go into labor (water broke with my oldest at 36w6d) and she might not be the one on-call when I did, which does not bother me. I am really anxious to hear from the new doctor and I really, really hope that he will accept me as his patient even if it turns out I'm not a good candidate for TOL or VBAC. I'm just done with my current doctor and only want to continue with her if I just cannot find a good alternative.
Sorry for the enormous rant but you should see the one I graced the ladies at Babycenter with on their VBAC board. :)
I'm making roast for dinner and I cannot wait! Ready to get it started! We are having my dad over for dinner tonight. It has been much too long.
Have a great Friday!
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