A picture post and how Chad revealed the gender!

So, I've been doing quite a lot of talking but with no corresponding pictures.  Today is the day I redeem myself. . .

First, I suppose I should go back and explain how I found out the gender and why I caved.  Chad and I were both dealing with a lot of stress right at the end of the Fall semester.  It was nuts.  He found out the gender the Monday of the last actual week of class.  Finals were the following week and we both had massive amounts of work to do.  The Friday after he found out, I was feeling stressed and the fact that he knew the gender and that I wanted to revel in it, too, increased the stress.  I, for some reason, decided that maybe we should contemplate having a gender reveal at Christmas and I really liked that idea.  All I knew is that once I found out there would be no more chance that I could just wait until the birth and be surprised.  Realizing the gravity of the decision, I became more stressed because I wanted to know so badly but knew that I wouldn't be able to give back my knowledge.  So by that evening we decided that for the sanity of all of us, I needed to know that night.  I am so glad I found out and I have no regrets.  We just aren't meant to keep those kind of monumental things from each other.  Chad was awesome and completely made it a wonderful and memorable time.  I insisted that it be a special moment and reveal and he outdid himself!  (We had both been terrified he would just blurt it out if we continued to wait and that was certainly not the way either of us wanted me to find out).  So, he went into the bedroom and spend a good thirty minutes in there and emerged with a beautifully wrapped small box.  We got the kids in the room and set up the camera on the tripod.  We started the video and we asked both boys what they thought the gender would be.  Jude answered that he thought it would be a boy and that he was hoping it would be (much to my surprise because until that night, the entire pregnancy he'd been on Team Pink).  Lennon said he thought it would be a girl.  Then I began to unwrap the box.

 The small box under the wrapping.  It was all taped up and I had to decide for sure if I really wanted to know the secret it held.  Finally, when I was sure I wanted to know I opened it and found

I was immediately shocked because I had really been expecting it to say girl but began explaining to the boys that they were having a brother and congratulating Jude on being right.  Sometime during all this Chad took the box from me and I barely noticed.  I guess I figured he was setting it aside for posterity and didn't want me to dump out the confetti.  Well, while I wasn't paying attention he dumped the confetti in his hand and then handed the box back to me and told me to take another look.  This is what I found. . .

And at this point the tears started streaming down my face!  I could not believe it!  Needless to say we are both overjoyed to know that we are having a little girl and I'm so thankful for Chad making the surprise so wonderful and sneaky.  He's the greatest!

Now for some more picture fun from the last few weeks!

Lennon rocking the swing!  He's pretty proud he can make it go  by himself!

Jude showing his "mashed potatoes" aka golf balls.

Teamwork.  Jude is pushing the tonka truck up to Lennon for a dramatic release!

They switched positions and Lennon is giving the go signal.

This kid gets bigger and bigger every day.

Jude and Lennon chilling with Jude's new V-Reader he got for Christmas from Nana and Pawpaw.

Little man decided to add a pair of overall shorts to his outfit for the day.  

The complete outfit.  He picked his rain boots to wear down to the bus stop to pick up Jude.  I love his style!

Still waiting

I have been around and around with my current OB's office.  Chad returned the corrected form (the office filled it out incorrectly) on Monday.  I called the prospective Dr's office yesterday afternoon to see if they had received anything on me yet and they hadn't.  She gave me another way to get the records to them and I wish I had done it this way in the first place. . . go directly to the hospital.  All of the records that they needed are part of my inpatient hospital record from my two previous deliveries!  Chad took in the form to the Medical Records staff today and they said they would fax over the appropriate documents later today.  I'm hoping they will receive them today and the Dr. will have a chance to review them in the next day or so and that maybe I will know something by tomorrow!  I'm nervous and excited all at once!  

Two days and we'll be rocking the 3rd trimester! 

Double digits!

I'm officially only 90 days way from my due date!  I'm so excited!  This pregnancy is finally beginning to seem real!  I wasn't sure how real it would feel until she was actually here but I finally believe that we actually have a new wonderful addition to our family in April!  It's odd to me how having losses, even early ones, really affect how you view future pregnancies.  I have just now been able to get excited and feel like this is really happening and my latest loss was at 10 weeks and now I'm 27 weeks.  Losing a child changes your perspective so much.  Even once you are past whatever marker is seen as your most delicate time, for me the first trimester, your mind goes into overdrive and you feel like even though later losses are less common and typically caused by things unrelated to the reason for the early losses, you start to question everything.  I'm terrified of a cord accident or any other reason that my later term baby might be lost.  Honestly, even though I have really started to feel excitement and anticipation of getting to meet this little girl, I still haven't taken the tags off of the clothes we bought and washed them yet.  Part of that is due to not having much accomplished in her room yet and nowhere to put them but there is another part in the far back of my mind that worries that I won't get to dress her in these clothes.  I know that it's a concern that every mother has but I can't explain how different my concern is this time around as opposed to my previous pregnancies that progressed past the first trimester.  Either way, I am still getting so excited and I'm so relieved to finally be feeling this way!

In other baby news, I'm going around and around with my OB's office.  I became aware of another doctor in my area that was willing to review my chart to see if I might be a candidate for a trial of labor even though I have two previous c-sections.  I requested the documents from my doctor's office on Monday.  I was informed that I would have to sign a waiver for their release when I went in for my appointment on Tuesday.  I did so.  I was of the hope, apparently erroneously, that they would have the documents all ready to send but were only waiting on my signature to release them.  That was not the case.  I called back on Wednesday to check the status and verify that they understood what I wanted.  The nurse I spoke to gave me the third degree on Wednesday basically telling me I was foolish for even seeking a second opinion (for the record in our state it very difficult to obtain a trial of labor or vaginal birth after a c-section because of the state's prominent malpractice insurer- PLICO- and my current doctor is insured with PLICO and has never given me the option to have a TOL, my second son was a scheduled repeat c/s).  I want to do what is absolutely best for me and my baby and based on what I know of surgical history, I would be a perfect candidate.  The only bit of information I don't have at my disposal to know if this is even worth my time is the type of uterine incision I have.  I would assume that it matches my external incision and is a low horizontal one but I just don't know.  Since the history I am aware of seems to indicate I am a good candidate, I decided to give this other doctor the opportunity to review my file and give me his opinion.  I just don't want to regret not knowing for sure.  How I wish I had know of this doctor with my pregnancy with my youngest son.  Anyway, after getting grilled by the nurse on Wednesday, the front desk lady (who I assume takes care of records, too) called and gave me the third degree yesterday, too.  I explained to her as I had the nurse, that I wasn't transferring my care at this point I just wanted to give this other doctor the opportunity to advise me on chances.  She was very rude and I'm really fed up with going around with these people.  I'm hoping that they will actually get the file sent over today so I can find out if I will be transferring my care.  After dealing with all of this and their utter rudeness, I'm ready to change doctors anyway.  For the most part I am very pleased with my doctor herself and she has been the only reason over the last 6 years that I have remained with her practice because this is not the first time I have felt uncomfortable with the office staff.  The thing that initially caused me to consider changing doctors and led to the recommendation of the new doctor by my sister in law, was that my doctor's office called and tried to schedule me for my c/s in my 38th week which I happen to know is against new ACOG guidelines for repeat c-sections since I have no real medical reason for taking her early.  The doctor gladly changed the date when I mentioned it on Tuesday and I left feeling like it was an honest mistake and that they weren't trying to pull one over on me and that I was respected in my medical decisions, even though she gently reminded me that I might go into labor (water broke with my oldest at 36w6d) and she might not be the one on-call when I did, which does not bother me.  I am really anxious to hear from the new doctor and I really, really hope that he will accept me as his patient even if it turns out I'm not a good candidate for TOL or VBAC.  I'm just done with my current doctor and only want to continue with her if I just cannot find a good alternative.

Sorry for the enormous rant but you should see the one I graced the ladies at Babycenter with on their VBAC board.  :)

I'm making roast for dinner and I cannot wait!  Ready to get it started! We are having my dad over for dinner tonight.  It has been much too long.

Have a great Friday!

Finally better!

So after what seems like three weeks (and probably actually was) of dealing with a cold and then random stomach bug, I'm finally feeling better!  Slowly but surely I'm making progress on the house.  We still have some clutter issues.  Let's just say that 6 mos. worth of paper that needs to be gone through and filed isn't really something I'm looking forward to!  It's really not that bad but it's much worse than I am comfortable with.  I did manage to finally weed through the toys and move the toy box into the boys room yesterday.  It looks like the last thing that we really need to handle in cleaning out the playroom is moving or finding an alternative to the desk/bookcase.  I had been pretty overwhelmed with the playroom since before Christmas but after Christmas the whole room looked like we'd seen some sort of natural disaster.  There was just so much stuff strung all around it.  It was terrible.  I feel like getting it picked up and their toys sorted through is a major accomplishment!  I still have a long way to go with the house to get it where I'm comfortable with it again but I'm really relishing this rather small accomplishment.  My only goals for this week were the toys and laundry.  After being so sick for so long, I think it was a perfect goal and I'm really pleased that it has been realized.

Earlier this week I also found out that I'm anemic.  It's really no big deal but it does effect how much energy you have.  It's a common thing in pregnancy and I just have to take an additional iron supplement for it.  I had it with Lennon, too.  I'm hoping that once I get my iron levels back where they should be that I'll have a lot more energy and really get things going around here!  Until then, it's just small goals and keeping things caught up.

We have less than 100 days before we get to meet the baby!  The nurse called Wednesday to find out when I wanted to do my c-section so that we can get on the surgery schedule.  There is a long rant to go along with this and I'll probably post something about it after I have a chance to talk to my doctor about it on Tuesday.  Let's just say they want to do it earlier than I'm comfortable with because of over-inflated concerns about my history (water breaking at 36w 6d with Jude).  If we do it when they want to, she'll be here in less than three months!  That seems absurdly close to me, especially since we haven't really had a chance to buy much of anything for her and silly me gave everything away so we really are starting from scratch.  Oh well, as unprepared as I feel, I'm still anxious for the time to pass and to have her here and in my arms.  I'm just not really going to relax and feel comfortable with this pregnancy.

Well, it's time to motivate myself again and get that laundry taken care of and get dinner (Chili! Yum!) started.

Hope everyone has a good weekend, I'm feeling good about ours!

It's a . . .

For those of you that have been waiting patiently to find out the gender of Meap, the family all officially knows now and I can tell you that. . . . .






It's














A





































Girl!!!

We are beyond excited.  Some time, I'll tell you all about how we decided for me to find out, the big reveal and more.  If I can get my act together, there will be photos, too!

Right now, though, I'm still battling illness and not feeling perky enough to write more.  I'm also trying to cope with several thoughts mulling through my head.

Christmas flop

So. . . Christmas was a flop.  Chad's sickishness turned out to be an actual thing and by Christmas morning, I was feeling terrible, too.  We didn't get to go to Crescent and are hoping to make it this coming week.  Jude started sneezing this morning and Lennon was coughing in the night and has had a runny nose off and on since Christmas.  I think it's time to get out the humidifier and hope that we can nip this in the bud.  I really, really want to go to Crescent this weekend!  We've got big plans to reveal the gender of Meap to the family (and you guys will have to wait, too).

Thankfully, our little Christmas celebration at home was nice and the boys haven't even torn up the playroom because they have been so busy playing with the new toys in their room.  I think they both are really happy with what they got!

Not much more to say other than one of these days I'm going to have really deal with these feelings I've been work VERY hard to repress about my mom.  There were numerous times that I started to think about it and would be on the verge of tears and would just basically change the subject in my mind or otherwise so I wouldn't cry.  I'm known for this.  I don't know if this is what denial is and is an acceptable stage of grief or if I'm just setting myself up to be a crazy person forever.  I was horribly grumpy on Christmas eve as a way to cope, too.  I just don't want to cry.  I guess because I know it won't fix anything.  Tears are forming so I'm going to cut this short because as I've already shared, it's what I do.

Bah Humbug

We got our tree up and all of the gifts are bought and have arrived (I shopped almost exclusively on the internet this year).  Still nothing has been wrapped and it's Christmas eve.  Chad is sickish.  I add the -ish because he has yet to run a fever but has had drainage and a cough nearly all week.  The drainage has given him a sore throat and he sounds really ill.  In fact, he's sleeping now.  I don't even know if he should come with us to Crescent tomorrow since we don't know what he has and I certainly don't want anyone else to come down with it either.  I have a good sized list of things I need to be doing today.  I need to actually wrap the presents, make some toffee bars that will be going with us to Crescent (if Meap and I don't eat them all-- oh I guess I can make two batches!), sort through toys in the playroom and get it picked up so we can add more to the chaos, tons of laundry to wash and put away, and try my hand at Raisin Cream Pie again.

The Raisin Cream Pie is for my Great Uncle Dean.  He turned 91 on the 17th.  He is in an assisted living/nursing home in Guthrie and we went to visit him for their Christmas party on the 22nd since we couldn't make it on the 17th.  My mom would always make him a Raisin Cream Pie for his birthday and I worked on one the 22nd before we left but it turned out terrible.  Since we will be in Crescent tomorrow I thought we might head over there with my redo.  I have been intimidated to go alone over there because the last time we went (when my mom passed away) he seemed more confused and harder to communicate with.  I feel safer going when my Uncle goes because he knows him better and of all the people Uncle Dean would remember, it is certainly my Uncle Steve.  When we were there on Thursday, though, Uncle Dean looked the best I've seen him in the last several times I've been.  I used to go up there with my mom on occasion and even then he was having trouble.  He just looked really good Thursday and though he, of course, has trouble getting around he seemed just as healthy and with it as he was when he'd come to family get-togethers at the farm, 10 years ago.  Uncle Dean is my Grandpa Emil's (Mom's dad) only living sibling and one of the few living relatives on the Mackey side of the family that I have more than an acquaintance relationship with.  I was very close to my grandpa and he reminds me of him so much and I'm so thankful that he is still around.

Well, as I'm sure everyone that has ever read here has noticed, I chase a lot of rabbits.  Most of my writing style is incredibly disorganized and I never stay on topic.  Eh, sorry.

So back to the reason behind this post.  I have a lot to do and no desire to do it.  The only thing I'm looking forward to tomorrow is going to Crescent.  I don't know if I have cabin fever or what but my house is stressing me out right now.  I'm ready for Christmas to be over so that the house can return to normalcy.  That is going to take a fair amount of work considering I know what we got the kids for Christmas and know where it will have to go.  I also know that since I'm already past my half-way point to April we need to get the playroom cleaned out and transitioned into a nursery again.  I feel conflicted about the amount of things the kids got for Christmas, too.  I want them to have certain things and that's why I bought them but I hate that Christmas is so materialistic.  It has really not settled well with me since I realized the other day what the whole Santa/coal thing is really about.  It has nothing to do with being naughty or nice but everything to do with being rich or poor.  Rich=nice and poor=naughty since coal was used for home heating  back in the day and the poor kids would only get such a strict necessity.  We don't do Santa for our kids and now I'm thankful but I see that we also contribute to the same mentality by trying to get them so much for Christmas when we can.  Granted, a lot of what we got Jude was coal (clothes, shoes, socks, etc.) but we splurged for a few other things too.  I mean now that I'm thinking back on everything we got, most of the things we got were little things, just things that I knew they would really like.  I still feel like that it's too much, though.  Being a parent is hard and navigating Christmas sucks.  I'm ready for it to be over.  

Cleaning. . .

Today I'm cleaning.  That may not seem like a big deal to some since they do it weekly but this last semester I haven't really been doing my fair share.  Of course the kid's bathroom and the common area was clean (not dusted regularly!) but there has been way too much that has been put on the back burner.  The worst area of all was the master bath.  Other than the toilet, I don't think that bathroom got cleaned once since probably August.  Icky.  I'm working on catching up on the actual cleaning right now and then over the break from school, Chad and I are going to work on the clutter that has also taken residence in our home.  I'm ready for our house to feel comfortable and not so icky again.

Yesterday was my last day of class and I have decided I won't be going back in the spring, though I may have been successful in taking short term classes.  I just have neglected too much in this last year and I don't want to have any excuse not to enjoy this pregnancy, my kids, and my husband.  When I do return to school (yet to be determined), I will only go part-time.

Because of the crazy semester that both Chad and I have had, we haven't even put up our christmas tree yet and that is another reason why I'm working to get this house in shape.  Tonight we are going to let the kids stay up and we are going to get some yuletide spirit flowing in this house.  I haven't had even a shred of christmas spirit, though in the last few days I started listening to the radio station that is just playing christmas music.  The first time I heard christmas music this year I was at Wal-Mart (in November, sigh) and I'll be Home for Christmas came on and I started crying right there in the store.  I mean being pregnant and losing Mom in April, it's really no surprise.  I know that has been the root of why I'm not really into christmas this year.  It has been very, very hard with lots of tears shed.  I am looking forward to christmas with family, though.  We managed to get the kids some pretty awesome stuff that I know they will like (I'm very lucky, my kids like receiving shoes and even socks for christmas) and I can't wait to see their faces on christmas morning.  If you promise not to tell them I'll share their biggest gifts.  Lennon got at train/lego table and Jude got a new, bigger bike.  Of course, both will benefit both boys but I know they will like them.  I got both things very discounted with some savvy online shopping on Black Friday (I found some even better sales than they had on Cyber Monday).  I also got a good deal on a highchair for Meap.

Well as usual, I have strayed from the original purpose of this post and I've got to get back to cleaning.  Be on the lookout for some pictures of the decorated house, christmas photos, and a special post about Meap. The last one will have to wait until after christmas but we have something special to share.  Hopefully it will beginning to look at lot like christmas around here soon. . .

Comments

Hey guys,  I've heard from a couple of you that you tried to post a comment to the blog but had difficulty.  For some reason they aren't posting.  I looked in my comments section and even the spam but nothing is there waiting to be approved or anything.  On previous entries I've had comments go through but this time around, since I changed my template, things are kind of wonky.  :(  If anyone has any suggestions on how I can maybe track down those comments or make it where you comment on future posts, email me at leteworsham@yahoo.com or I guess you can attempt to comment on this post but I somehow doubt it will work.  I appreciate any help you can give.  I'm more than a little blog challenged.  I'm really sorry for the inconvenience and I hope to figure it out so I don't miss any more of your comments!

ETA:  I successfully posted a "test comment" on this post so you might see if you can also.  Crossing fingers!

Making his/her internet debut. . .

I would like to take a moment to introduce you to the newest addition to our crazy family.

This is Meap (alternately known as Little Murray Sparkles).  Please ignore my horrible attempt to edit my name and patient info out-- I'm no professional at it.

In this first one, Meap's hand is up in front of the face in a thumb sucking position. . . maybe (s)he has already picked up big brother's habit.


Here Meap's arm is up by his/her face.  The face is turned toward us and it really looks like (s)he is waving at us.


This one is another profile photo and it looks like his/her hand is resting on top of his/her head and you can see four little fingers!  Also, what a cute little nose!



Chad is the only one that knows the gender but I'm convinced that it is another boy.  I guess we shall see in April when this little munchkin will be joining us.  We had an excellent ultrasound today and all looked well.  He/she has been very active this afternoon while I was scanning the photos as well as this morning when they were trying to get a good look during the ultrasound. Little one already weighs 13 oz. and had a heart rate of 149. (Though it's all based on an old wives tale and is just for fun, babybpm.com says that with the gestational age and heart rate that it's a boy, too, hehe).  We are just over half way there and we are over the moon.  After our previous losses, it was hard to be certain we'd make it this far and we have been on pins and needles the entire time.  I don't think this will ever be an entirely laid back pregnancy (though I'm lucky and have never experienced complications after the first trimester) but we are starting to relax a little.

We haven't settled on any names yet but have quite an extensive list to choose from.  However, that list is primarily divided between ones he likes and ones that I like.

I guess that is all for now. . .Check back here occasionally for updates on little Meap.